Dear younger me,

This letter is from an older, wiser me. And, I know that it might not change your circumstances right now, but it might give you hope for your future. So, give me a chance to tell you a few things about what is going to happen in the next few years.

Your life is going to suck. It’s going to be just as horrible as you think right now. But that is not all. Keep your head up high, and don’t let them completely break your spirit because like I said, that is not all.

You will get married, and it will not be happily ever after. It will not be the fairy tale that you dream of as you sit in your bedroom with those tears streaming down your cheeks. There will be awful things that happen when you get married and you will again find yourself sitting in your bedroom, muffling sobs in a pillow. But that is not all. Keep your head up high, and don’t let them completely break your spirit because like I said, that is not all.

You will have four beautiful children. Two boys and two girls, just like that story you wrote in fifth grade. You won’t have the house with the white picket fence, but you will have the rose bush at the mailbox and the tulips around your light pole, and the bleeding hearts just off your porch.

You will get out of that awful church system, that, yes, just as you often wonder, is, indeed, a cult. You will find that wearing dresses and coverings and black nylons has nothing to do with getting into heaven. You will go to college. You will find out that you really are as smart as you think you are, even if they call you stupid now.

You will get divorced. And then you will meet the man of your dreams. He will become your best friend. And then he will become your husband. And he will be so good, you will wonder if you’re dreaming. You won’t be, but some days you will pinch yourself, just to be sure.

You will own your own home by the time you are 35, your kids will love you more than you could ever imagine, and you will have friends who really do care about you. You will have a plan for your life, and you will accomplish it. Others will see it, and they will notice. And they will care.

You will develop a close relationship with Richard and Conrad, and you will eventually find Mark. You will remain close to Carlos, but you will eventually have to cut off most of the contact with your Mom and Dad and Delberts, Melvins, and Tims. They will not understand your choices to leave, but eventually, they will accept it, and there will be a shaky truce reached. Your kids will know their cousins.

You will take in another child, and you will love her just like your own, and it will help heal a bit of what is hurt in your heart.

And most of all, you will survive the fire. You will survive the evil you are living with right now. You will survive and then, younger me, you will thrive. You will thrive in your future. You will survive. And let me tell you, younger me, Survival? Survival looks good on you.

Love,

Future You